Dating is supposed to be fun, spontaneous and adventurous.
On my last trip to the island, I hung out with a few farmers and I’ll never forget a nugget of wisdom one dropped on me: “Don’t stop watering all your crops when one seed starts to sprout.” Wow! It’s an idea that can be applied to nearly every aspect of life, dating being no exception!
There are two ways to date: sequentially (one at a time) or aggregately (more than one at a time). If you choose the former, I guarantee, on average, you’ll deal with more heartache, and finding a partner to jump the broom will take longer! If you choose the latter, on average, you will have a higher satisfaction level when dating and you will match with your beloved faster! I wish I had a longitudinal study I could cite to immediately silence the naysayers, but I don’t. However, what I do have is several years of hands-on matchmaking/coaching experience that has allowed me to interact with thousands of people, and it’s been through those experiences that I witnessed the strategy of “dating more than one at a time” is where it’s at.
Let me be clear about “dating aggregately.” I’m not suggesting to juggle multiple “committed” partners. Dating more than one person at once is for you, only if you: 1) are in the casual dating phase; 2) are willing to be honest with people about “how you date”; 3) have the stamina to keep up with multiple dates.
If you can handle it, I strongly suggest giving it a try. There are 6 reasons why I consider “dating more than one at a time” to be the most effective dating strategy…
1. Dating takes time- One at a time equals A LOT of time! This argument is for the statistic junkies as well as the mature women with “efficiency” as their middle name. The bottom line is that if you choose to date sequentially (one at a time), on average, it will take you longer to meet your beloved. According to my calculations, nearly 5 times longer. The average woman will date 127 men before finding Mr. Right. Assuming the average number of months you date each person is 1 (this is a very conservative estimate), dating sequentially would mean an average of 10 1/2 years of dating to find your beloved. If you’re 45 today… you’ll be 55 or 56-years old before finally your Mr. Right.
2. Dating is a learned skill- “The more you date, the better you will become and the better partner you become, the more you’ll enjoy dating”.
3. He’s dating multiple people- From a survey I did with my clients, 80% of them reported seeing more than one person (at a time) during their dating life. The dagger… only 30% fully disclosed their dating habits to all people they were dating. The key is to own up to it and be honest about what you’re doing.
4. Comparisons allow you to see who stands out- “The New Guy/Girl” syndrome is something we’ve all faced in dating. It’s when a new person enters the picture and things seem great at first, but soon you realize they’re not perfect after all and that there were qualities of your former boyfriend or girlfriend that you liked just as much. Wouldn’t it have been great to have had the opportunity to compare apples to apples? Well, when dating aggregately, you won’t face this issue. In real-time you can see how they stack-up against the competition.
5. Your dates will show their true intentions faster- This is one of the most powerful arguments for dating multiple people at once. The “pursuit” phase of love is the stage when you and your beloved throw caution to the wind and actively court each other. The issue many of us (who date one at a time) run into is that this phase is lackluster with few fireworks because after dating for 5 years… well… the milk is being bottled up and served for free, so why “fight” for it? This situation will change faster than J. Lo’s popularity, if you have a few contenders vying to be “the one” at the same time!
6. Don’t front, a dating strategy is effective- PLANS ARE EFFECTIVE. Dating multiple people at once should be a component of your plan. Why? Simply because it works. Don’t believe me? Take the “aggregate dating challenge” — increase the number of people you’re dating at once to 5, and maintain that for 30 days. I predict you’ll have grown exponentially in your dating skills and have an overall higher dating satisfaction rate!
There you are! Here are my six reasons why you should be dating more than one man at a time! If you have specific questions about any of these tips, please reach out to me via facebook.com/PaulBrunson or twitter @PaulCBrunson. Paul C. Brunson is a professional matchmaker
