“I’m gonna tell you all right now, and this might be harsh. Sluts, skeezers, hoes, tramps and overly aggressive promiscuous women, they are never without a man because they don’t have no standards. They ready to have sex with any and everything that want to have sex with them. But when you are single, and you actually love yourself, you know your value and your self worth you hold out until God sends you what’s yours.” — Tyrese Gibson
Hey, Tyrese guess what? We don’t need your unsolicited advice because, surprise, surprise, we can think for ourselves. Shocker, I know. But it’s something we’ve been doing since oh, you know, before you were born.
And here’s another thing you might find surprising: We don’t think you’re stupid. In fact, we don’t think of you at all when we are decided what we want, what we chose to do with our bodies. And the fact you believe it’s all about you and catching and having a man ‘rock’ us shows exactly just how little you know about women.
And you know nothing, Tyrese Gibson.
Because our choosing to engage in casual consensual sex doesn’t me we don’t value ourselves, our minds, or our bodies. And our choice to adorn ourselves with false eyelashes, wigs, or weaves doesn’t mean that we are crying for a man (especially one who has already been divorced once with claims of abuse) to come save us from ourselves and reassure us that “Oh, no honey. You don’t have to do that. You are beautiful just as you are.” Because clearly your new wife is weave, contact, and falsie free.
We don’t need little boys schooling us grown women on what we should value. We know what we are worth and we also know what’s not worthy of us.
We don’t need some man to break it down for us; we’ve been doing the math and keeping tabs for decades.
We know that men get another notch in their belt when they ‘put a lot of miles down there’ while we get labeled sluts, hoes, skeezers, and tramps.
We know that men are celebrated for taking care of themselves — manscaping, penis pumps, toupees anyone? — and their children when we are accused of manufacturing our beauty and ‘just doing our job.’
We know that men are ‘just being men’ when they preach about how women shouldn’t objectify themselves then they partake — and enjoy — said objectification. Like, a birthday gift from Snoop.
Yea, you did that. And now you dare to tell us who we are —- and worse, who we should be?
Well, I have a bit of unsolicited advice for you. Call it . . . Womanology.
How about instead of dragging your sisters through the verbal muck and mud (we get enough of that with White culture) for being who we are, you applaud us for embracing our diversity and being smart enough to know what we want?
How about instead of making blanketed assumptions of women who modify their bodies, you turn the tough question on yourself and your brothers by asking what parts do YOU play in perpetuating and reinforcing ‘manufactured’ beauty stereotypes?
How about instead of calling us out on everything you think we’re doing wrong, you take a long hard look at yourself.
Because that’s where misogynistic men like you have always fallen short. You made it about us, when really this all about you. The truth your misogyny doesn’t allow you to see is that we are not the problem. You are. As is your antiquated notions of how “REAL” women should act, do, and behave.
And we are smart enough to know that well behaved women rarely make history.
Because contrary to what you’ve persuaded yourself to believe, not all women want or need a man. We definitely don’t need one to define us. And we sure as shit don’t need one to tell us what to do — and then break under the weight of his own words.
Yes, we saw that too. We saw that you deleted your Insta-rant. But the internet never forgets and neither do we. And while our anger and rage is real, I’m not sure why any of us were surprised by your words. You did, in fact, write an entire book rooted in your frail little man ego that hid your insecurities by dousing them with a heavy dose of male machismo and called it Manology: Secrets of Your Man’s Mind Revealed.
Well, here’s the secret to the women’s minds you claim to know more about than we do. We know that we are Goddesses. We know the manner that we choose to adorn ourselves with will always be just as diverse as we are. And whether its wigs, weaves, makeup, heels, false eyelashes our beauty is not about you; it’s about us
It’s about setting our own beauty standards. And living by them by ourselves, for ourselves.
An Open Letter To Tyrese, From ‘Overly Aggressive Promiscuous Women’ Everywhere was originally published on globalgrind.com