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When you think of confident actresses in Hollywood, Gabourey Sidibe‘s name is bound to come up.

The star has managed to maintain a successful acting career since her 2009 debut in Lee DanielsPrecious. But the girl who everyone thought was so sure of herself was secretly battling her own demons. According to various reports, Sidibe has struggled for years with depression and anxiety as she personally dealt with her weight issues that ranged from bulimia, abuse and bullying.

In her new memoir, This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare, the Empire star dished about her troubling childhood and her success in adulthood. “For a long time, my father was dead to me. I didn’t want to justify his actions, but it’s interesting to see what’s behind them. The six-year-old in me is still pissed, but I don’t think I am a victim. I don’t want people to shed tears for me. He beat me, but we have all been through sh*t,” Gabby wrote about her father.

On her dealing with her eating disorder in college, Gabby shared, “I always wanted to throw up because I was so sad. I really liked challenging myself to not eat for three days,” she says. “Sometimes I would eat a slice of bread and drink a bottle of water just to throw it up. I was bullied, but there are people that I f*cking bullied, too, because it hurt. Being bullied didn’t shape who the f*ck I am. It shaped some of my emotions and some of my tenderness and why I don’t let people support me, but that sh*t also started at home. My first bully was my older brother. He said horrible things to me and I said just as bad things to him.”

The news of the actress’ eating disorder comes days after she revealed her gorgeous, post surgery weight loss. There’s nothing more powerful than sharing your darkest truths. Check out a few excerpts from This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare, due in stores May 1st.

Congrats Gabby on the new liberation.

Gabby Sidibe Opens Up About Her Eating Disorder  was originally published on