The Shame Game
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If you’re a parent, the idea of embarrassing your kid the minute he or she does something stupid often comes to mind – if nothing else to teach them a lesson. For me and my friends, public humiliation was just a part of growing up. It didn’t matter where you were – grocery store, department store, parking lot, or the backseat of a car – if you were out of line, you were going to get it.
I swear my mother had a homing device on the back of her hand that always found the bridge of my nose. Our parents got away with things we are not encouraged to do today – for them, sparing the rod was not an option.
“This goes across all racial lines, ethnicities, religious backgrounds who believe in disciplining their children,” ESPN’s Chris Carter said on NFL Countdown. “People with any type of Christian background, they really believe in disciplining their children.
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My mom did the best job she could do, raising seven kids by herself, but there are thousands of things I have learned since then that my mom was wrong. This is the 21st century. My mom was wrong. She did the best she could, but she was wrong about some of that stuff she taught me. And I promise my kids I won’t teach that mess to them.”
Parenting is probably the toughest job anyone will ever have to endure, because it truly is a labor of love. First, there are diapers, then there is walking and ultimately talking, which is where this parenting thing starts to get a little harried. Opinions start to formulate, life starts to happen and every little thing you do starts to be scrutinized.
The days of telling kids to be seen and not heard are gone.In an age where cameras are everywhere, social media dominates our lives, and children have the police on speed dial, disciplining your kid takes a ton of ingenuity.
When Louisville, Kentucky father Kevin Jones discovered that his 10-year-old daughter, Janiya, had created several secret social media accounts and was dating, he dressed her in a pink T-shirt that read: “I’m 10 Years Old” on the front and “5th Grader” on the back. He also made her wear barrettes, pink shoes, and a Sofia the First cartoon backpack.
Jones then posted photographs of her from all angles on his Facebook page, as a punishment for her disobedience. His status update read: “Here’s the consequence behind her actions. An age-defining shirt. Yes people she is 5’9” & 10 years old.”
Embarrassing a child neither creates nor promotes long-term change. And given how fragile pre-teens and teenagers can be, I think we have to be very careful in how we approach our children, particularly our young ladies.
I understand being at the end of your rope with a child, willing to do almost do anything to get your message across. However, as parents, we have to consider how public humiliation impacts our children. What do you really think a 10-year-old can learn from being publicly humiliated?
Parenting is a very private thing, like prayer, marriage and sex. I am one who believes that every child should have a healthy dose of fear when it comes their parents, and discipline is very necessary when it comes to raising our children.
We just have to be careful in our approach to dealing with children who live in a very public world. Getting your behind beat in front of the neighborhood kids in 1979, when your Mama could beat their butts too, is very different than being humiliated today on Facebook.
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Zack Burgess is an award winning journalist, who is the Director/Owner of OFF WOODWARD MEDIA, LLC, where he works as a Writer, Editor and Communications Specialist. His work can be seen at zackburgess.com. Twitter: @zackburgess1
The Shame Game was originally published on blackamericaweb.com
