People who are dating, or married, or in a relationship find themselves in a mandatory situation every February 14th.
So you go about the obligations as a matter of course, buying the Hallmark cards or flowers or chocolates or Mylar balloons or kisses. You make the dinner date at the restaurant that will be packed with others attempting to fulfill their obligations so that you are ensured a meal and service more mediocre than usual not to mention the atmospheric pleasure of being surrounded by a bunch of mushy-faced PDAers desperate to prove something.
If all goes well, you’ll head to one of your places afterward stuffed on too-rich food and attempt to fulfill the carnal obligation that may to some degree be the root of all the aforementioned obligations – but generally you’re so exhausted by the multiplicity of obligations, you’re likely to simply fall into bed and thank God tomorrow’s another day. The next morning, you’ll awake with a cold pang of guilt in your stomach, which may be attributable to subpar food, or maybe the impending breakup of your relationship over your substandard performance this Valentine’s Day.
For what? So some marketers could make money? So Hallmark can stay in business another year? So the fraudulent story of St. Valentine continues to weave its spirit into your relationship? So your beloved doesn’t cry, because without that box of heart-shaped chocolates he or she would be completely in the dark as to the reality of your love? Tip: Give a heart-shaped box of chocolates on Halloween, because then your loved one will appreciate it. Plus it will be way on sale at that point.
Also suckers: People who say Valentine’s Day makes them feel bad, because it reminds them that they’re single. Oh, no. If you don’t wake up every damn day knowing you’re not dating someone (or that you are), you’ve got other problems besides the existence of a manufactured holiday that reminds you of your personal tragic reality. Which isn’t so tragic – you can do whatever you want today, can’t you? Some other suckers are running to the candy store right now.
If we all could join hands across the Internet and say, no, we actually don’t need this Hallmark card with a message better said directly between two humans on whatever day they please, nor this cheesy rose-petal strewn hotel room rented for one night of forced romance, nor, even, this new cherry red convertible decorated with a big red bow (OK, we’ll take the car, but only on the 15th) on this particular day, we could do the world a huge service. And we could all help the economy, and ourselves, by spending our hard-earned cash on something that won’t be eaten, die, or be thrown away by week’s end.
You’re not a sucker if you love someone and want to tell them so. You’re a sucker if you only do it on Valentine’s Day.
But, before you label me the equivalent of Scrooge of Valentine’s Day, I understand that the world is a lonely and isolating place. It’s rare that a town, or city, or nation, even, get to bond together on one day to all do vaguely the same thing. Love is wonderful! Whether that’s love of a partner, of a friend, or of your damn self. Valentine’s Day is a nice, albeit silly, day set aside for showy, performative demonstrations of that love. Show the world! Or show just your significant other! Or show yourself! It’s Valentine’s Day.
(((So what do you think… Is Valentine’s Day for Suckers or a Day to Express Your Love???)))
