Recently, parenthood has taken a hit in the media. Multiple studies published in the last few years have concluded that having children decreases our well-being and leads to stress and conflict in the couples’ relationships. But should we believe the research?
Take an article from last year’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example. Researchers followed couples for eight years and reported a general downward trend of happiness in the marriage after kids. The worst time for the couples’ relationship was after the birth of their first child, when ninety percent of the participants reported that the quality of their marriage had plunged. Another study used data from 13,000 households and found lower levels of emotional wellbeing and higher rates of depression among parents.
“Couples who do not have children also show diminished marital quality over time,” says Scott Stanley, research professor of psychology at University of Denver. “However, having a baby accelerates the deterioration.”
But how can this be? Most of us chose to have a kid (and then maybe chose to have more) and wouldn’t think of doing things differently.
Many happiness researchers, however, say that we think kids make us happy because one toothy grin or warm nuzzle from our babies can suddenly erase eight hours of diapers and meal preps. It’s true that those moments have an intense hold on us, even at a chemical level. Love-inducing neurotransmitters like oxytocin are released in those cuddly times.
Is the information in this study true for you and your marriage/relationship? Do you think kids make marriage/relationships worse?
