We all thought it would end, but I don’t think we thought it would end in a mere 72 days. Kim Kardashian and hubby Kris Humphries have officially called it quits. Though this may be a minor headache for Kim K, we think the $18 million she made on off the reality TV wedding extravaganza could buy her a wealth of consolation prizes. Check out our list.
- Buy a new house because she likes to reward herself for her hard work. She worked hard for 72 days to stay married to Kris Humphries and by gosh, she earned it.
- Buy season tickets for half of New Orleans to take a road trip to see Reggie Bush play on the failed Miami Dolphins football team.
- Take a five-star trip around the world with her mother. While away they can plan her next wedding.
- Pay for some preemptive liposuction for the impending stress weight gain.
- Buy some acting lessons from Brad Pitt and try to steal him from Angelina…
- Buy a minority stake in the Brooklyn Nets. She gets to hang out with Hov and cut that loser Kris… again.
- Hire a high-class escort to sleep with Lamar so Khloe will be single again and she’ll have someone to hang out with.
- Pay-off Scott to become a drunk again and abandon Kourtney and Mason so she can go back to feeling sorry for Kourtney.
- Buy a condo in Manhattan, kidnap Kendell and become an obsessive stage auntie.
- Relocate to Atlanta and replace Stacey Dash on Single Ladies.
- Buy Kanye’s DW clothing line and sell it out of Dash. He’ll be forever grateful to get a purchase order.
- Give 47 people $381,000 and bring them with her in to the 1%. #occupyKimKardashian
- Give all the money to Khloe so that she’ll stop saying “I told you so”.
- Buy her mom enough plastic surgery so that she looks young enough to hang out with her in the club.
- Launch a sex-tape production company with her old buddy Paris Hilton.
- Buy back ALL of her sex-tapes.
- Pay for the promotion of Ray-J’s next album since the record label clearly isn’t going to.
- Buy Rob enough votes to win “Dancing With The Stars”.
Ok, ok, we’re done now. We promise.
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