There is a definite double standard when it comes to domestic violence.
That reality popped in my head yesterday when I was reading about a recent proclamation from President Obama about October being National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
“Despite tremendous progress, an average of three women in America die as a result of domestic violence each day,” our President reported. “One in four women and one in thirteen men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.”
He added, “This is not just a job for government; it is a job for all of us.”
Most women take a zero tolerance stance on men hitting women. Though there might be an allowance for self-defense, ‘no matter what she did, he should have kept his hands to himself’ seems to be the prevailing motto.
But what about when it’s the other way around?
Yesterday, I read a report that the stepdaughter of former New York Governor David Paterson was arrested after beating her boyfriend unconscious. Allegedly, she hit her boyfriend with a frying pan and broke a bottle over his head during an argument on Saturday.
Fox news reports that police arrived to the scene to find the boyfriend semi-conscious and bleeding on the ground. He required stitches. She alleges her violence came after she was choked, though there was no evidence of that claim. Witnesses say the result of their fight looked like a “murder [scene].” Another reports, “He wasn’t moving. He had two shoes on top of him like she kicked him out of the apartment and threw the shoes.”
Instead of comments nailing her to the cross, which would have happened had she been male, there were virtual cheers and high-fives, condoning her wailing on him.
“Whoop that trick,” one woman yelled in support, pulling a quote from the film “Hustle & Flow.”
Another said, “Love when a women can kick ass… Rihanna needs to call her and get some lessons.”
According to a Penn professor who studies these things, every American man has about a 28% chance of being struck by a woman at some point in his life. And yet no one seems to take the phenomenon that seriously. Maybe it’s because men, generally speaking, are bigger and stronger, and we assume there’s a real limit to the physical damage women could actually inflict. We don’t picture these scuffles resulting in bloody noses and black eyes or a trip to the police station.
Furthermore, pop culture has made the idea of a pretty girl whaling on a guy a wacky comedy staple — Angelina Jolie smashing wine bottles over Brad Pitt’s head in “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” and Cameron Diaz coldcocking Edward Burns in “The Holiday” were both played for laughs. But the reality of getting hit by your girlfriend or wife isn’t so sexy or hilarious.
The number of women who hit first or hit back is “much greater than has been generally assumed,” psychologist Deborah Capaldi says. She says she is surprised by the frequency of aggressive acts by women and by the number of men who are afraid of partners who assault them.
Capaldi and two other female researchers call for a re-evaluation of treatment programs nationwide.
http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/LlFAd4YdQks
Information gathered from: Marie Claire Magazine and Essence Magazine
